Wow… The first question I have is…How on earth did we get here so fast?!?.. believe me I have had this day pictured in my mind before.. it just always seemed so far away, I swear it feels like last week I was that you were a little kid playing freely outside.. I’m not sure how almost 18 years literally flew by but it did!
Please know that I am SO happy for you and I’m so excited for this new chapter in your life! My brain knows this but my heart feels something different.
I will try and explain what is going on inside my brain and heart. In my head I know that this is the next step in life and that you are going to grow on many levels, and soon you will be a different person than you are now. You will understand this in time…In my head I know that you are going to have challenges and there will be decisions you are going to have to make on your own and this is a part of growing up. In my head I know that you will probably fall on your face a few times and have to get up and figure it out on your own and that this too, is part of life.
Here is what is happening in my heart,
Every morning you walk out that door to go to school its one day closer to graduation, I want time to slow way down. If i tell you i just want one more picture, dont get mad, please know that I’m savoring the moment and I want to be able to look at the pictures over and over and over. I know that you are over the edge excited about graduating but know that when you say “I cant wait for my freedom”, while my head says its ok and normal, my heart feels different.
This senior year has been emotional for me, while Ive been planning for senior pictures, senior announcements, senior banquets etc…I have reminicing moments of your school years…the first day of school pictures, the singing concerts, watching you play sports, all of these moments i’ll cherish forever.
But while Ive been preparing you for ths time, I’ve forgotten to prepare myself. But I feel as a mom, we are not ever prepared. I might start talking about when you were a baby, toddler, young kid. Dont think this is silly or dumb but understand that my heart is wanting to go back to those moments and sit awhile longer. I”m sure i’m going to cry.. alot. Dont take this as all bad, I will be crying because yes, I am so incredibly sad that I blinked and you were almost an adult, but I will be crying for your accomplishments and I’m happy for the person you are and for what lies ahead of you.
If i go into your room and want to talk I hope you welcome me, talk to me about your day, your thoughts, your fears, your joys. remember that my heart needs this. Our relationship will be betterbecause of it.
Remember the things we taught you when you are faced with challenges, because there will be bigger ones in the years ahead. Remember your morals, your values, and your integrity. Hold onto those. Remember that you ALWAYS have a choice. Remember that the choices you make can and will be positive or negative and you determine that outcome. Take responsibility for your choices. Pray. Dont blame others. Pray. Look past the moment. Pray. Be a leader. Pray. Be a friend. Study. Study some more.. and Pray even more!
But most of all have fun and enjoy the next several years, Because as you will see they will fly by all too fast! You will make more lifelong friends, and you just might have some amazing opportunities come your way. Enjoy them! take advantage of them!
But for right now my Heart is so full of pride yet aching at the same time. I love you Ryley!
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