a moment of grace

You want a moment of real truth?.. here it comes…

I am an impatient person by nature. In almost all aspects of my life. Patience is NOT my virtue. God tests me on this almost daily. But this post isn't really about me. It's about my sweet Brody. We've been dipping our toes into the potty-training pool over the past few months or so. We lived and learned with Ryley that to even attempt to potty-train a boy before 3 was a losing game. But as his 3rd birthday approaches I wanted to get him prepared, we bought the new undies just for him, Cars pull ups, M&M’s, stickers... even resorted to a talking Elmo toilet to try to entice the wild one to USE THE POTTY. It hasn't gone well. At all. Without getting into the nitty gritty of when or where he's actually used the restroom... lets just say, it's just really not happening AT ALL like we had hoped. But we move on. Lets go back to last week. I try to convince him to sit on the potty whenever he says he needs to go poop, I will try my hardest to get him on that potty but he will not EVER want too!.. not without sheer panic and tears. this day last week was no different but he sat on it, I left him alone in the bathroom sitting on his Cars potty ring, with M&M’s staring at him from the jar, his blankie and a book (what more could a little man want or need)? I was in my bedroom putting laundry away when the pants-less wonder comes in. I asked him if he went potty and of course he said no... so I pick him up and set him on the potty again. He breaks out into a cold sweat, huge crocodile tears are pouring down his face. pretty much full tantrum. I knelt on the ground in front of him and he folded himself in half (still seated on the toilet) to lay his head on my shoulder and sob "I not go potty." I sang him a song, I rubbed his back, and looked him in the eye several times to tell him to go potty. MORE SOBS. I wiped his face and lifted him off the toilet, brody grabbed his clothes and diaper and I could tell he wanted them on. I told him he needed to go potty and then he could get dressed. He was looking at himself in the mirror with the saddest little face. His eyes welled up with tears, so sad. IMMEDIATELY I ran over to him. I scooped him up and said, "BRODY, I LOVE YOU."  He didn't reply, just cried softly. And I said, "Brody, it's okay. You're going to go potty one day really soon. Do you want to get dressed?" he said yeah. I got him dressed and looked him in the eye once more and said, "I love you Brody. It's okay. You are okay. I love you." And he finally said, "I wuv you," completely relieved. Even though the moment happened and my actions and reactions were a big part of it...  I learned a lesson straight from God himself. Just be patient. Just comfort him. Just hold him right now. That's what matters in this moment. Don't crush his little spirit. Don't shame him for what he's not yet ready to do. Just love him. Just love him. I just scooped up my little defeated Brody and held him and assured him that I loved him and that it would be okay and it was all he needed. And it was all I needed. In my heart, I know that sweet boy will learn to go to the bathroom just like ryley finally did, and I KNOW it won't take him 5 years to get there.  Don't you wish sometimes that God could swoop down and scoop YOU up and hold you in His arms and just say, "I love you. You're going to be okay."Sounds to me like it would help so many doubts, fears, moments of panic and frustration. It was a great reminder for me that day that if the idea of that brings me peace and comfort, then it must do the same for my tiny, vulnerable, sweet little boy. In the meantime we will still work on potty training going at his pace, and believe me I KNOW Brody wont go down without a fight!  : )